Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
