first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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