my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
