I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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