the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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