i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
