I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
