its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
