I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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