Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
