Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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