Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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