Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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