The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Terrible idea I love it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
