No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
