My brain says no but my pants say off.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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