i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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