Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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