He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
