Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
