Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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