tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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