this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
