We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
