You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
