who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
