Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
