Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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