I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
