i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
