You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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