Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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