I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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