at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
