This is not my ceiling
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
