The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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