You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
