Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
