I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
