I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
