She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
