I wish I could teleport
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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