the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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