I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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