I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
