I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
