But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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