i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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