she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
