I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
