I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
