Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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