There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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