I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
