You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
