Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize